


Nascent

by lcdsra



Series: LCDSRA's A-Z Soulmate Prompts [14]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:22:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26608183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcdsra/pseuds/lcdsra
Summary: /ˈnāsənt,ˈnasənt/adjective1. (especially of a process or organization) just coming into existence and beginning to display signs of future potential.Or: You don’t have to be worthy to be loved.
Relationships: Clair & Kirin
Series: LCDSRA's A-Z Soulmate Prompts [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1935553
Kudos: 1





	Nascent

**Author's Note:**

> This story is the counterpart to 'Afterlife' in Around The Clock Prompts.
> 
> AU: The first sentence that your soulmate speaks to you is written somewhere on your body.
> 
> Character(s): Clair, Rune, Kirin, Trudy  
> Relationship(s): Clair & Kirin, Trudy/Veda mention  
> Warning(s): Child abuse, temporary death mention, age difference

Clair was born with her soul mark already branded into her skin. She was tiny and screaming, and the doctors told her parents she was one of the lucky ones.

She was lucky to already have someone, that she did not have to worry that she’d live her whole life and never get a mark.

Her words were simple, written almost thoughtlessly on her hip. _I haven’t even introduced myself yet_. Her soulmate was someone unexpected, but there were worse words to exist on people.

Upon further consideration, though, it seemed that her luck ran out there. Then again, Fate was never fond of her.

: : :

“I wish you were never born.” Her father had spat at her.

She could only whimper pathetically on the ground. She cradled her face as her mother watched blankly from the kitchen.

“God I pity your soulmate.”

She had shut her eyes and braced herself for the kick that followed those words. She had agreed with the statement when his boot made contact with her hip. No one wanted broken.

: : :

Clair was 14 when she saw her soulmate. She was delirious with hunger, freezing, and in pain. Her foster parents had kicked her out a few months prior, before her 14th birthday after she became too unlovable.

But New York’s streets were not kind, nor did the winds spare a small 13-turned-14 year old.

But Rune was kind. Rune fed her a half of a sandwich and promised a different life for her. An organization called ‘STARS’ was always open to recruits, and if she proved herself, they would take her in and provide her with housing and food.

She was starving and cold and naive. How could she say no?

They drove her to a compound on the outskirts of the city, and lead her to a room not unlike her old middle school’s cafeteria.

Rune sat with her as she ate her first meal in months, pointing out the different commanders in the mess hall.

Her mark had burned then. She didn’t know why.

: : :

“Who is that?” She had asked quietly, pointing at a blonde woman. Her hair was in a high ponytail, and her light blue eyes were sharp and analytical as they scanned the room every few minutes. But they had never strayed far from where she and Rune sat for long.

Her left hand was also shiny plastic. It had sometimes caught the light when she shifted, and Clair had to force herself not to stare.

“That’s Kirin Reyes. She’s a commander from Elemental Air.” Rune had explained. “You probably won’t be seeing her. I don’t think Elemental Air is recruiting.”

Clair had glanced at the other, unsure, “Why does she keep looking at us?”

“She likes to know who is around her. She’s most likely scoping out your intentions.” Rune had said. Then, in a lower voice, “Kirin’s suffered a lot. It’s not my place to tell you the story, but she’s not as scary as she seems.”

She had nodded and bit her tongue to keep from asking another question. Did she have a soulmate? Did her soulmate accept her, broken as she was?

She did not know then. She was so naive.

: : :

Clair spoke her soulmate’s words when she was 15. She was the only survivor of her comrades, making it out barely scratched because she pretended to be dead. Her actions were dishonorable and cowardly.

It only made sense that she’d be sent back to the streets and probably die of starvation because she just got so comfortable.

A knock at her door forced her thoughts to stop, and she whirled around. She waited for the other person to talk, or maybe just leave, but to her horror, the door opened.

And she recognized the woman who walked in. It was Kirin Reyes, her commander who occasionally briefed her for missions. Kirin was her handler, but indirectly. More often than not, someone else would be speaking into her ear.

Maybe that made it worse. Perhaps that’s why Clair spat, “ _I don’t care about what you have to say._ ”

 _“I haven’t even introduced myself yet_.” Kirin replied flatly.

Clair snorted, looking away. “You don’t need to. I know who you are, and I don’t care.” Her mark _burned_ , and that made her even more furious.

“You need to talk to someone.”

“I don’t want to.”

Clair heard the door close. “It’s either me, your handler, or the therapist.”

“Why do you even care about me, anyway?” Clair snapped. She was a nobody to the older woman, what right did Kirin have to confront her. “I failed.”

“So have I, so has everyone you’ve ever met.” Kirin pointed out. Her response was swift and sure. “Do better next time.”

Now she looked up to stare at her. Kirin’s eyes were beautiful, even in the dark. They were wide and blue, calm and unwavering as they met her stare. “Next time.” Clair repeated slowly.

Kirin nodded minutely. “Yes. You will be trained again and you’ll have all the time in the world to question what you wanted to do differently.”

It was more than she could have hoped for. But regardless, the mark on her hip was burning, and she brushed it slightly with her hand. Did Kirin’s mark also burn now? Did it long to touch her, like Clair’s did? “Are we gonna talk about it?” Clair asked.

Kirin took an almost hesitant intake of breath. Clair had a feeling that her answer was not planned, that maybe she would have chosen to ignore it altogether if she hadn’t brought it up.

But she wanted Kirin. Clair wanted her soulmate. She wanted to know what love was, and dammit she’s _killed_ people, she was hardly a child.

Maybe deep down, she just wanted someone to care about her.

“Eventually. But,” Kirin paused a little, choosing her next words carefully. Clair watched her clench her jaw subtly. “Not now. On a better day.”

Clair nodded slowly. She remained sitting on her bed, not daring to move. She wanted to do so much more, but Kirin was right. Before they did anything, they’d have to talk. And before they spoke, Clair needed to change.

: : :

“Clair. I want to be with you, but our relationship cannot extend to anything more than friends.” Kirin had said seriously.

Clair had forced a smile out, though she knew it had looked a little sad. “Of course.”

“Even friendship is going to be difficult. I might not be able to work with you a lot.” They were dancing around the real reason Kirin didn’t want her. Clair was too young, too stupid, not mature enough.

“But you’re my handler.” Clair had pointed out instead of voicing her real thoughts. “Would you trade me to someone else?”

Kirin had stared at her. Already Clair was taller than her, though Kirin’s presence often reminded her that height did not give her power. That was another of those times. “Never.”

: : :

Clair lost her soulmate when she was 17.

It was fine, she told herself. After all, they agreed for years that they weren’t together, despite what their marks wanted.

Clair focused her attention on her missions and had more often than not said she was married to her work. Kirin held the right to see whoever she wanted.

But it still hurt, like a knife to the heart, to watch Kirin kiss him.

Clair didn’t even know his name. He was from STARS, but not from the Elementals. But she knew that their work wouldn’t clash, and he and Kirin were both adults. It was better that way.

Still.

Clair shut herself in her room and didn’t leave for a week.

: : :

Trudy had threaded her fingers through Clair’s hair. The ends were splitting, and the locks brushed her shoulders, even with her signature ponytail. “You really like her, huh.”

She had nodded without looking up. Trudy was only a few years older than her, and though their jobs kept them separated, they became fast friends. “Does she not want me? Am I not enough for her?” Not mature enough, not sane enough, too broken?

“Don’t destroy yourself over this.” Trudy had said. “No one is worth that.”

 _But you have Veda_ , she had wanted to point out. _You have your happily ever after._

In hindsight, she was glad she had not said that.

: : :

Clair kissed her soulmate when she was 18.

By then, things had changed. Clair was comfortable in her promotion (Commander Aquarius still felt strange though). She had friends that loved her, that trusted her, that made her feel secure.

She didn’t have a burning desire for her soulmate anymore. It was still there, lingering around the corner, at the edge of her vision. Kirin would smile at her or praise her, and her heart would skip a beat.

It was a spur of the moment, admittedly. Kirin was helping her clean up after her 18th birthday party, and even though Rain was clearing the tables, she was helping her.

Kirin’s eyes never strayed from her as they talked, and without thinking, Clair leaned down to kiss her soulmate.

It was brief and chaste, but she didn’t feel anything.

“Clair,” Kirin’s tone was cautious, laced with warning signs.

“I’m sorry.” Clair interrupted before Kirin could continue. She half-heartedly swept at an empty cup. “I just wanted to know what that felt like.”

“What did you feel?”

Honesty was the best answer. It gave Kirin an out. Kirin was not responsible for her affections, and she needed to know that. “Nothing.”

It might have been a lie. It might have been more true than Clair could ever know. But Kirin’s slow nod of understanding made it the truth.

: : :

Clair had toyed with the word ‘aromantic’ a few times.

It was hard to say if she was aromantic, considering she never had dated anyone. And because Clair did love Kirin, that much was true. When she was with Kirin, it felt like everything would be okay, that they could take on the world together.

But the kiss didn’t change anything. Is that what lovers did, kiss and have sex, and was that enough? Clair didn’t know.

She had phrased her next words carefully, days later, when they talked. “I love you.” Clair had said, bluntly. “But I am not _in_ love with you.”

Kirin had not flinched at her words. She continued, slowly, “I don’t think I can feel romantic attraction. But if I did, I think I would love you.”

“I have never felt romantic attraction.” Kirin had replied. “I don’t mind.”

Now that was surprising. “What about that guy?” She had asked, knowing full well that Kirin would most likely need elaboration.

“What guy?”

“When I was 17, I saw you kiss someone.” Clair had explained. “I thought you were with him.”

“That week you locked yourself in your room and refused to come out?” Kirin asked, her tone bordering on sarcastic. “Care to explain that?”

“I asked you first.” Clair rebuffed easily.

Kirin rolled her eyes. “His name is Kyle, from Planet Jupiter. I was seeing him casually but we broke it off. It didn’t feel right.”

Clair had tilted her head. “Why’s that?” 

“Hey, it’s your turn now.”

“I was jealous.” Clair replied. “I wanted your attention, to be the only one you saw.”

Kirin looked like she wanted to ask a follow-up question, but Clair gave her a pointed look that made her pause.

She had instead said, “Kyle was sweet but he wanted something serious. I just didn’t feel that way about him.” She nodded to herself. “Do you still want my undivided attention? Because I’d give it to you. Even if we’re not gonna do that whole ‘official couple’ thing, I’m still your soulmate.”

“I wouldn’t mind it.” Clair confessed. “But just talking with me, and showing me you care is enough.” She paused, frowning, “But I don’t think I want to kiss you. But I would love to hold your hand. It’s hard to explain.”

“Well, we have all the time in the world to figure it out.” Kirin replied. Clair did not say that they probably didn’t, considering their lines of work. “I’m willing to adjust.”

“Me too.” Clair had said, smiling. That was all she needed, and that was enough.

: : :

Clair said goodbye to her soulmate when she was 19. Her last thought, as she felt her body collapse, was of Kirin.

She was mostly sorry that she would leave Kirin with an ugly empty grey piece of writing.

The moment her heart would stop, the red ink that adorned Kirin’s hip would fade. It said to the world that she was not whole and never would be again. It wasn’t fair.

 _Goodbye, my dear_. Clair thought as she faded.

: : :

“I love you.” Kirin had said when she woke up from the anesthesia.

Clair blinked at her. “I love you too.”

“Do you?” Her tone tipped between a question and a statement, but regardless, her blue eyes were stormy with emotion.

Clair had pushed herself into a sitting position, wincing as the injury in her shoulder shifted. “What do you mean?”

“Why did you disobey your commander’s orders to get out?”

She had wanted to shrug. She settled for a frown. “We were breaking into one of MOON’s bases of operation. The information was important.”

“Your life is more important than that. _You_ are more important than a flash drive.” Kirin emphasized firmly. “We would have gotten you out and tried again if we had to.”

“But you know how MOON operates. They would’ve destroyed any information at that location, and then what?” She scrunched her face.

Kirin had sighed heavily. She slouched in the hospital chair and set her hand on the edge of the bed. “We would have found another way. Please, don’t do that again.”

Clair had practically heard the added ‘to me’ that Kirin didn’t say. “It worked. That’s all that matters.”

Kirin’s face fell, and Clair was never more unsure of herself.

: : :

Fate was never fond of them, but it was not cruel.

People tended to talk about Fate a lot when it came to soulmates and marks. They wondered what decided the location of the mark, why some were proud against a person’s neck, and why others hid beneath clothing.

Some speculated it was how the relationship would work out. Those with visible marks would be out and proud. Those with hidden were less likely to announce their connection to the world.

The theory proved correct for Clair and her soulmate. They only officially told Rain, who most likely already knew due to his unlimited access to their personal files. Like words written on hips, only those close to them could chance a sight at their connection.

Even so, they were inexplicably closer after Clair’s near-death experience. Kirin became the handler in her ear for far more missions, and afterward, would greet her personally.

It never failed to make her smile. She never said it, but Kirin _wanted_ her. Kirin cared for her in a devoted, completely focused way.

Clair was lucky to have someone like Kirin, that she knew. A quiet but ever-present voice told her that she did not deserve her, and oftentimes, she agreed.

But regardless, she had her. And that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> And I've been meaning to tell you  
> I think your house is haunted  
> Your dad is always mad and that must be why  
> And I think you should come live with me  
> And we can be pirates  
> Then you won't have to cry  
> Or hide in the closet  
> And just like a folk song  
> Our love will be passed on
> 
> \- seven by Taylor Swift


End file.
